Author: Kieryn Darkwater

I crashed for two hours and I feel a little better about things. I’ve been dealing with a lot of self loathing and emotional exhaustion and anxiety and just feeling like I’m the most horrible person ever to walk the earth (which is ridiculous if I think about it, because I don’t actively TRY to…

When I was 8, I was expected to be an adult. I had adult responsibilities (taking care of kids) and was expected to act as mature as an adult – learn all the things, do all the things, cook all the food, wash all the babies – I had to fight for some semblance of…

Thanksgiving was a thing that happened. I’m still recovering. Our apartment flooded on Wednesday, so we’ve had to re-arrange until, hopefully, our roof actually gets fixed. Our computers are currently in the kitchen, because it doesn’t rain there. My body is trying to find equilibrium with the progestin, and it’s making me kind of moody…

This has been coming to a head and swirling around for some time and I just need to let it out now: I. Don’t. Believe. In. God. Any. More. For so many reasons. One, I became a christian entirely out of fear. I was terrified of going to hell. I can’t mesh staying in a…

So, this afternoon I finally did it. I went to Planned Parenthood and got The Implant. I AM NOW BABY WORRY FREE for the next 3 years. The amount of stress that just vanished from my shoulders after the nurse said “okay, it’s in” is like…..unbelievable. I know I’ll be dealing with side effects (and…

I have this familiar sense of needing to write – because all of the things happened – but not having enough coherent thoughts to put anything together. This happens a lot if I write infrequently, like I have been lately – lots of life happens in between posts and then I’m like, wait, what? So…

In August I wrote a post for Caleigh’s I Have a Voice project about gender – gender identity, gender expression, specifically mine. It’s been interesting since then – nice to have finally gotten it out there, because it had been welling up inside – I think I’ve come to understand myself a bit more and I occasionally write…

Good Homeschooled Girls are supposed to be perfect. They’re supposed to be Pollyanna, Elsie Dinsmore, and Jane Bennet.  They’re supposed to be completely innocent, unnoticed, modest, graceful, but still look beautiful and unblemished (while not thinking too hard about it). Good Homeschooled Girls are impossible. All of us are wearing masks, we’re all acting feminine, we’re…

I have a story to tell, a story that’s been hanging over my head for months and I haven’t said anything out of fear and now I just need to release it so I can feel better. This summer, I was cornered by people I trust – put into a situation against my will that…

Maybe it’s because I’m on that high from just finishing a comic after not drawing in way too long because set backs and busy-ness and certain-life-things just completely zapping any creative drive out of me, or because I’ve been rocking out to music in my headphones (which I’m sure looks entertaining), but, I’m really happy…